It was a cold crisp February evening in Flint, MI . I found myself standing in front of the bathroom mirror naked and ashamed. My head lowered to the floor like a guilty prisoner. My eyes filled up with more tears than the water in the Nile River. How? How did I get to this point in my life? "Fuck you fat ass." "Look at you, you are disgusting ." "No one will ever love you." These thoughts running through my head like Usain Bolt in the 100 meter dash. Then, I heard the words of others, poking at my conscious, crushing my self-esteem even more. "Damn you sloppy." "You need to be on the Detroit Lions, big man." "You wear a size 48?" Shit. "I'm glad I'm not you" How did I get to be 305lbs?????????
"Fuck it," I said. "Shut the hell up". I told my thoughts. "From this moment on, I'm living free." "I forgive you Marty. You did the best you knew how" "I forgive you brother, dad and everyone else who had something negative to say. You too did the best you knew how." "I love you." I said looking at myself through new eyes. It was like I was seeing myself for the first time. A new day was here and along with it came a new loving energy.
We all at one point or another have judged ourselves to the point of self-defeat. Some of us to this moment still do. In these moments lie opportunity. The opportunity to forgive. To forgive ourselves. Also, the opportunity to forgive the others who we believe hurt us. In this opportunity of forgiveness lies the possibility to gain our personal happiness back.
Our happiness, our lives lie within us. We can make all the money in the world. We can have the most prestigous job or own all the latest fashions, however until we are willing to look inside, our existence will be empty.
You may be "going through something" in your life. Or your life could be perfect. If it is then keep on keeping on. But if you one day feel great, then all of a sudden feel down. Or wake up in the morning just to go to a job to "pay your bills". If you are having "that feeling". You know the feeling. Feeling like you're just living through the week and then hope to enjoy the weekend. Then it may be your time. "Time for what?" you ask. Time to be courageous.. Look at yourself, be willing to ask what did you do to get here? and what can you do to truely live free and feel good?!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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2 comments:
Great post! It is truly inspiring when someone shares how he found inner strength...we all have it in us. You are right, happiness is inside each and every one of us, it is up to us to be present enough to get out of our own way and let it emerge!
Thank you for your words. Love and forgiveness are so powerful. I am looking forward to more.
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